Happy New Year!

A year ago to the day, I had to let my Feia go. It was the hardest yet an inevitable decision, and I was really devastated. Only four weeks after, I left my home and my (now ex-) boyfriend behind and moved with fluffy Atze and Watson into a small new house. In the first couple of weeks I was really busy, everything was new and after all, I did the whole move by myself (OK, for the move itself I had a moving company, but you know what I mean, right?).

The two cats were not too happy at first. They liked the garden in the new house but one night some bully tomcats in the neighbourhood beat Watson up badly, so I decided not to let him out again (after Watson’s surgery, a one-week stay at the vet hospital and three weeks aftercare I’ve had have enough). At that time I was also really busy at work and simply couldn’t afford driving to the vet every other day.

So, the overall situation was at least challenging with Watson not being happy at home. And I felt really guilty, all the time.

Basically, those were the first couple of months in 2014. Confusing, chaotic, hectic. Until, after long hours – days and weeks, actually – of thinking and talking to family, friends and other pet lovers I decided to look for a playmate for Watson. I was really scared and it took me another couple of weeks, but after all I found a cat boy for adoption – not too boisterous, not too shy, very friendly and playful.

And what can I say – we’ve been very, very lucky, the cats and I. Toby is – first of all – not a replacement for Feia. No cat could ever replace Feia. He is – well, Toby. I’ve never come across a cat so calm, friendly and always happy! He is a perfect companion for Watson (who has become a proper house cat) and shy Atze. We love him to bits and can’t imagine life without him.

I’m myself again – a better self, actually, I think. In the past year, I’ve learned a lot about myself (at 41, ugh – but it’s never too late, is it?) and about others.

And so, here’s to a really happy New Year!

Toby and his signature sleeping pose.

Is it OK to buy yourself jewellery?

Recently at the doctor’s waiting room one of the other waiting patients pointed at my simple thin gold band and asked: „Is this a wedding ring?“ – “No, this is just – erm – jewellery. An accessory, if you will.” Mind you, this guy was a weirdo. But my reply was in no way less weird, was it?

It got me thinking: Does jewellery (fine jewellery that is) have to have a deeper meaning, in the sense that it’s a gift from your partner/best friend/parents or a family heirloom?

Until recently – until that barely-there rose gold ring – I’ve never owned a piece of fine jewellery that I had bought myself. I own a couple of beautiful rings and a diamond necklace my parents once gave me as gifts. And I have some diamond ear studs and necklaces from ex-boyfriends – not always had they been my kind of style though, both jewellery and boyfriend.

All those pieces have a (hi)story. So if somebody asked: “Oh, where did you get this beautiful necklace from?” it’s OK to say “My father gave it to me when I graduated from university.” Because 1. it reminds you and tells everyone else how much you are loved 2. it gives you the chance to mention that you do have a university degree (which, strangely enough, is important to some people).

In reverse, does this mean – if you buy yourself a diamond ring for example – that you’re narcissistic? Is it shallow and decadent to buy yourself jewellery? Is it also because you don’t have anyone who would want to buy it for you? Are you sad and lonely?

I’ve had a chat about it with a friend, who is single for quite some time (which I don’t understand as she is gorgeous). I had admired her beautiful eternity ring when she told me, that she bought it for herself on a vacation and that ever since she had bought that ring she would buy herself a piece of fine jewellery on every vacation. “I love jewellery and why wait for someone to buy something for me?” she had said. Yes, why?

I’m still not sure if I’d get myself a diamond ring for example; an ex boyfriend once gave me one as a gift and when I wore it for the first time everyone had asked me if I were engaged.

Do you buy yourself fine jewellery?

Here are some pieces that are on the “To buy for myself” jewellery wish list.

(Left to right: Line & Jo leave ring, Selin Kent Hex ring, Sophie Bille Brahe earring, Apriati stack, Gabriela Artigas Infinite Tusk ring)

Happy New Year?

Yep, by the way: Happy New Year!

This is actually not a real post. It’s self-therapy – because I need it. And I need to get this out (plus, I hope that somebody out there has had a similar experience and can tell me how to get through this?!) :

Many people probably won’t understand how attached you can get to a pet. I’m not one of them. Obviously.

Yesterday I went with our little tabby lady Feia to the vet. She had not been eating properly for a couple of days and she was a bit lethargic and had a slightly hard tummy. I knew it would probably be something serious as she had gone through a similar phase a couple of months back – but the vet had given her antibiotics and she was her usual self again. So yesterday I would not leave the vet until they would do some more tests. I was prepared for a serious diagnosis… peritonitis… tumour… kidney failure… But I expected something curable. Feia is only 4 years something old, for Chrissake.

They took Feia for a blood test and urine sample. I had to wait. After a while the vet came back telling me that it looked like Feia had a very nasty virus: FIP. Should they do an FIP-specific test? Yes, of course. In the meantime, I googled “FIP” on my phone, since I had never heard of it before. A virus – that could not be life threatening no matter how nasty, could it? But Wikipedia said: Yes. It can be life threatening. And in case of an acute FIP it definitely is – not only threatening. It’s fatal. I had to get out of the clinic immediately, I needed to buy a pack of cigarettes to calm me down. I also didn’t want to cry in front of the vet, because as I kept telling myself: Feia’s disease was probably only a mild curable form of FIP – and I’d look really stupid crying like a silly cow over a harmless diagnose, wouldn’t I? Turned out I had every reason to cry. And I did. For the next 24 hours.

According to the vet, Feia has an acute form of FIP, which is fatal within a month in most cases. She will eat less and less, she will get even thinner, she will be sleeping almost all the time and her tummy will get bloated from water retention. It’s so cruel, it’s really hard to write it down. Many cats carry the virus, but only one percent will actually get sick. And nobody really knows what triggers the outbreak actually.

It will be our task and duty to let Feia live as long as she’s enjoying her life and let her go BEFORE she starts suffering.

Once back home Feia was allowed in the garden and I started to research which vet would do a house visit to put Feia to sleep when the time has come? Are there crematories for pets in Dubai? This was all sorted. Then I’ve started to read as much about FIP on the internet as I could. I even posted a question about it in a cat forum. And I’ve started to doubt what the vet had said. “Get a second opinion”, “FIP cannot be 100% diagnosed as long as the cat is alive”, “What was the exact blood-count?” – this was the result of my research and the feedback to my question. So, tomorrow I will ask the vet to provide me with the exact test results. And I’ve called another vet to ask – just in case Feia is doing fine – if I could bring her (and the results from the first vet) in tomorrow.

Feia is definitely not absolutely fine. She ate just a couple of treats (yayyyy) today and she sat in the garden for hours, watching birds, sniffing at plants, walking around slowly… But she looked OK. I observed her every move.

Then I went running later today, and when I was back in front of our house, I remembered how Feia would usually greet me at the door, make her trademark “e-mauuuuu” and flip on her back waiting for belly rubs. And I realised that she hadn’t done that for a couple of days. Hach. What should I do?

Seriously, I will not let Feia suffer. I will take the decision when it’s time and definitely early enough. I’m not selfish. But this is so hard now. Should you accept a fatal diagnose without a second opinion? I will wait for tomorrow and decide if we should go to the vet or not after I had a look at the results again and compared them to what is written online. And then I will take a very close look at Feia and see if she is fit for another visit or not.

It’s the hardest time – she is still here, but I already miss her. I could break out in tears whenever I look at her (and I do most of the time), but I can’t start grieving, yet.

I love her to pieces and even though they say that a (cat) mom never has a favourite cat among her litter – Feia and I have a special bond! The other two fluffy ones are more fond of Alex. Feia and I chat with each other (yes, she keeps answering with “mrrrs”, “e-mauuuus” and “moc-mauuus”), she crawls into my arm as soon as I go to bed and she sleeps next to my head every night. I can’t be without her.

And I don’t know if I want the time to stand still or to hurry up.

(This photo was done when Feia was only a couple of months old.)

And that is an older Feia being her cute self:

And a last one for today:

Death by shoe or: when shoe becomes you.

It started with a silly thing: I was at Harvey Nichols in Mall of the Emirates, in the shoe department. There wasn’t any shoe I was really interested in, but I was a little bored so I took a closer look at the shoe I’ve NEVER wanted: the Balenciaga cut-out boot – but without the cut-out, the new winter option.

The display size was a IT35 – so why not try it on? And if I didn’t know – now I knew: This boot is supercool and looks AWEsome. Even on a tiny, short me! (My sister bought the cut-out version a couple of years back when they were first launched, but she is much taller than me.) Now I wanted them, too. But not the closed version, which was available right there right now in a rare size 35 – no, that would have been too easy. I wanted the cut-out version. Yes, the summer option, which is sold out EVERYwhere.

After days of research I’ve found only one store that would get them in my size. But they don’t accept pre-orders. So, I’ll have to wait and hope I’ll get them before they sell out.

Inspired by my discovery (that a chunky boot could suit me), I’ve browsed the internet for other statement shoes/boots (also, because I’m the most impatient person in the world and didn’t want to wait for the Balenciagas). So I came across an old acquaintance – Rick Owen’s wedge boot.

And again, after hours of research I’ve found a store that carried them in my size. I got really excited and ordered. They arrived and – no… the shaft hurt my shinbone badly after a minute. Damn, I would never really wear them. I would have to send them back. Said and done. Still waiting for the money to be refunded – but that’s another story (don’t buy from shoescribe.com – they’re quite new, totally unorganised and their customer service does actually not really exist, unless you have a question that can be answered with an automatic reply “We can confirm that we have received your inquiry…” – bad, bad, bad).

But the stupidity wasn’t over, yet… Still under the impression that I would get the money back from shoescribe.com in a couple of days, I went boot-hunting again. No matter what, now I wanted a pair of cool boots. Givenchy!

This is the coolest of all boots. And even after returning them – I don’t really want to accept that they weren’t for me. I’d even kept them for three or so more days (usually, when I want to return something I’d do it the day after I’ve received the item), because I loved them so much. But every time I would try them on – no, not for me. But: Thank you, Net-a-porter.com – you’re an awesome, superfast seller (and refunder). 100% recommended.

So for now I’ve decided to be more patient and wait for the Balenciaga cut-out boots to arrive – and wish me luck that I’ll be fast enough to get them. But to be very honest, I’m still looking around…

What about Guidi?

I’ve never had the chance to try them on. So ordering them in the smallest size would be a matter of luck. Therefore – unfortunately, no.

Now, what do you think of Givenchy’s two versions of the classic derby?

Or the more playful calf fur version?

I don’t know… What do you think? And don’t tell me you think I’m stupid, because that I already now.

(Balenciaga is available at Matchesfashion.com; Rick Owens and Guidi are available at Antonioli.eu; the Givenchy chain boot and b/w derby are from Net-a-porter.com; the calf hair Givenchy derby is available at LN-CC.com – one of my favourite stores!)

P.S.: Just wanted to let you know – even though I’m stupid from time to time – I am actually a responsible buyer, and I only order online when I’m 99% sure the item fits and suits me.

Overlooked and/or ignored: Raquel Allegra.

It’s probably that hippie-boho style that kept me from buying or at least considering Raquel Allegra’s designs. Only thanks to stores like La Garconne or Totokaelo (my absolute favourites – I truly love how they style their products) I decided to take a closer look at the US designer’s clothing. And since I’ve bought this shirt…

… and then that dress (without the skirt)…

… I’ve become a fan of Raquel Allegra. (Both photos via Totokaelo.com)

The garments are so soft and look so effortlessly cool. I get so many compliments whenever I wear them. However, I still don’t like Raquel Allegra’s dyed stuff – too hippie. But everything else… yes, I love. I’m currently eyeing a certain sleeveless french lace shirt, which is on sale, too…

 

Hair. A never ending story.

I’ve been a brunette my entire life – being half Japanese it’s a given. Accepted. Yes, I could have bleached my hair, but again – I never really thought about it and I also didn’t want to ruin my hair (dry, split ends and all that). But from time to time I would look at models with platinum blonde/white/grey/pink/violet hair – sighing. And not only since Kristen McMenamy I would dream of hair like this…

Then I saw a before/after picture of Erika Bearman aka OscarPRGirl, who has turned from a (natural, I believe) brunette to a blonde – the ultimate affirmation for me that brunettes are beautiful and all, but blondes… blondes just look… cheekier? Sexier?

In recent pictures her hair looked even more white, which I really love! (And she kept her dark eye brows! I say: yes!)

However, I’m still a brunette – and I’m not going to change that. My hair’s been through a lot – especially here in Dubai with this crazy heat, sand, salty sea water and chemical hair treatments. No more experiments. All is good. And right then, when I had come to terms with my dark brown hair, what do I discover (more and more – and more – every day) on my head? White/grey hair! No surprise here. I mean, I’m turning 40 in only two months… So, I’ve thought of dying it brown, the roots at least. But then again – why? This is going to be my chance to boast white-ish, grey-violet-ish hair, eventually! I just don’t know how (and if) I will survive the transition period (without dying, tweezing…)? Recommendations welcome!

(Photos via vogue.com, ‘oscarprgirl’ on instagram and other internet sources that I, unfortunately, can’t remember anymore.)

Retail shopping…

… is so irritating! I just have to tell you about my four Dubai shopping experiences from today (also to remind myself in the future why I prefer online shopping):

1. At (Yves) Saint Laurent

The cute sales assistant is really attentive and helpful. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have a clue about products and prices. She gives me a different price for that cool bracelet twice until she discovers the correct price (supposedly). I choose a bracelet (and express my choice loud and clear), but the sales assistant just doesn’t get tired of showing me more and more and more bracelets. Then it takes her 15 minutes to wrap my purchase.

2. At Harvey Nichols

The women’s department is rather empty. I’m roaming through the different designer sections carrying a bulk of clothes. I do prefer looking around without the help of a sales assistant, but I’m a little surprised that nobody really seems to even notice me when I’m obviously on the way to the fitting rooms. When I reach the fitting room section, one of the sales assistants crosses my way. I feel like I was caught in the act of sneaking in without having asked for anybody’s help, but when I open my mouth to explain she just gives me a broad smile and keeps walking by. A minute later I  hear her chatting and laughing on the phone. OK.

3. At Celine

I’m trying on sunshades, two different models. I like both and can’t really decide. I go for model a). While it takes the sales assistant ages to wrap my purchase (I even have time to go over to another store, see below at 4.), I change my mind: sunshade model b) it is instead of a) – my bad. The sales assistant looks like she’s in deep distress. Reason: model b) is around EUR 50 cheaper than the one I had bought five minutes before. “OK, I’m sorry, can’t you give me a credit note?” I ask. Sales assistant jumps at her phone explaining nervously: “I have to ask our management for approval. We’re not allowed to write credit notes or give money back.” Eventually, I got my credit note, which will expire after three months…

4. At Marni 

Remember – the sales assistant at Celine needed ages to wrap my sunshades? It took her so long, that I told her I would step out and come back after 5-10 minutes – to run over to the Marni store right across from Celine. Last time I had been to Marni is at least one month ago, and back then I didn’t buy anything. Before that I don’t even remember when I’d been there, let alone bought anything.

So I enter and the sales assistant goes: “Welcome back, Mrs. K!” (He even remembers my full, freaking complicated Japanese name!) “So good to see you, it’s been a long time.” He turns around and shouts for his colleague “Name YX, look who’s here! It’s Mrs. K!” – “Hello Mrs. K, how are you? Have you been on vacation? Were you busy? It’s been such a long time. So good to see you.” I swear, they said all that and more. And don’t get me wrong – that was really nice of them. They also do have a fantastic name-face-memory, for sure. But it all just really irritated me. They were too nice, and I just wanted to kill some time while over at Celine, they were trying to wrap my sunshades.

And before I even know what to say, sales assistant No. 1 brings three items from the storage that “we have not on display” – wink. Huhuuuuu. OK, I agree to try on a (reeeaaaaaally cool and sexy, but way too expensive) jacket. Thank Consuelo, it’s too large and it’s already the smallest size they have. It’s not that I can’t say ‘no’, seriously. But those two sales assistants made it really hard not to buy anything. And because they were sooooo nice, they will probably never see me again.

 

Now, you tell me: Am I too complicated or difficult? Am I too demanding? Not patient enough? Does it seem like no sales assistant can do it right because of all the afore mentioned reasons? Do you also prefer online shopping? Do you want to see my new Celine shades and tell me I should have gone for the other model? Aaaaand – should I go online and search for that sexy cool Marni jacket in a smaller size?

 

It’s true. La Mer is the sh**

I’ve been using La Mer’s (unbelievably expensive) lip balm for years – it’s a miracle in a pot. So when I came back from Tokyo last year and my skin was totally messed up (wasn’t used to dry cold climate anymore) and my Shiseido cremes and lotions suddenly did not work anymore (shock) I got a call from Bloomingdales at Dubai Mall – just in time: “We would like to invite you to a complimentary La Mer mini facial.” OH NO! I knew this could end up in a financial disaster. But: I went to the facial (who wouldn’t? It’s for free!) – it was heavenly. The sales assistant gave me a couple of those super rare La Mer samples. I’ve tried them and from one day to the next my skin was smooth, healthy, hydrated and spotless. And that’s it. From that day on I’ve been using it. I only discovered – after a couple of weeks – that La Mer’s creme is too rich for my skin so I’ve tried the lotion and the gel. Perfect. Now I’m using the lotion at night and the gel at day. Before I put gel/lotion I take two drops of La Mer’s Regenerating Serum. And at night I also use their eye balm (still have a sample). My skin has never been better. Yes, La Mer is expensive, but the difference it makes is dramatic.

Remember? Snapshots.

Remember little Watson, who we adopted last year?

Here he is a couple of months old with big Atze.

And this is him now. Relaxing in his signature relaxation pose. He’s become enormously big (as his paws had always indicated).

Smile, it’s the family portrait: Atze, Feia and Watson.